As I was sitting in church on Sunday (mother's day) one of our pastors asked the congregation to think about our mothers or the motherly person in your life. He asked us to remember what it was like when they gave you a hug or comforted you or how they took care of you. So I am going to tell you about my mother.
My mom was the nicest person in this world, she never had a bad thing to say about anybody. She would go out of her way or spend her last dollar to help someone. For the first 22 yrs of my life my mother was the only person I loved or trusted, I didn't even trust my own family.When I was at home the outside world didn't exist, the drugs, the guns, the stealing and hustling didn't exist. It was like my own safe haven, I didn't have to look over my shoulder, I didn't have to wonder if the next person I saw would try to rob me or worse even kill me.
My mother loved me and cared for me and would just sit and talk with me. I knew that when I was with my mother that I was loved. I remember my mom would call me Mikey Darlin. It would embarrass me but it also made me feel special that there was someone out there who loved me.
I can't tell you in words how much my mother meant to me, When she died it was like a part of me died with her, like there is this big hole in my life.
I didn't realize until I got older that when my mom and dad got divorced that she dedicated her life to take care of her children. She went to work and gave up her life so she could give me the best life she could. I remember when I went to school she made sure that I had all the fashionable clothes and all the best school supplies as all the other kids. She had gotten a Lamont's credit card and only used it once a year to buy me my school clothes and then would spend the whole year to pay it off so that the next year she could do it again.
My mother gave up her life for me and I just wish I had been a better son to her. My heart aches not knowing if she knows of the man I have become, and whether she sees her granddaughter and how beautiful she is. I wonder if she can see that I have learned to love and to care about people. I hope that I have become the man/husband/father that she would have wanted me to be. Mom , I miss you with all of my heart but I know you are in Heaven with God and that one day I will be able to hug you again.
My wife started calling me Mikey Ray and when I hear it it reminds me of my mom, but also reminds me that there are people in this life who love me, and that there are people in this life whom I love.
My mother and my wife were the only people back then that looked inside me and saw a good person, someone who needed love. It probably took a lot longer than my wife expected to come out but she stuck by me through thick and thin and I wouldn't be where I am at today if I didn't have her in my life.