Friday, April 27, 2012

Losing my mother

After dating for a couple of months we moved in together. I had never lived anywhere other than with my mom, so this was a new adventure for me. We were still working at the same place and I was still smoking a lot of pot, which was a very touchy subject around our place. One day I got tired of her always complaining about me smoking pot so I told her I would quit, but I didn't. I just didn't let her know I was still doing it.

 After about six months of living together I asked her to marry me and she said yes. It was right around Christmas time and so we decided to get married the next year on Christmas.  As Christmas got closer my mother's cancer grew worse and worse and we weren't sure she would be around for another year so on Christmas eve 1991 we decided to get married on News Years Eve 1991, and that is what we did.

Since there wasn't a lot of time for planning we got married in a court house by a judge. I think that it is kind of ironic that after everything I had done in my life up that point, that the only time I have ever been in a court house in front a judge was to get married. We didn't go on a honeymoon because I thought my mom would die while we were gone and also the fact that we had no money.

Shortly after we got married my mom had a serious complication with some blood thinning medication she was on. It had caused her brain to shift and put her into a partial coma, so the first six months of our marriage was spent sitting at my mother's bedside waiting for her to die as one by one her organs started to shut down, and in July 1991 my mother passed away. It was actually Kidney failure that had caused her death, but on that same day another tragic incident happened, my family fell apart.

Still today I have not talked to one sister and another was out of my life for nearly 5 years. There was something else that was not going well either and that was my marriage. It seemed like everything was piling up on top of me and I couldn't talk or wouldn't talk with anyone and all I wanted to do was smoke some more pot. It seemed like the answer to everything was just to smoke some more pot.  At that point I remember thinking back to that time in that little church with all those people telling me how much God loved me, and there I was 23 yrs old both my parents dead and a six month long marriage that most people didn't think would last a year.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Should have not gone to Idaho

  So the week before I was supposed to go out on my first date with my soon to be wife, the son of a long time family friend of my mom was in town. He was in the navy and his ship was in Seattle for something, I don't remember what. Anyhow his family lived in Idaho and my mother had asked me to give him a ride to Idaho for the weekend so he could see his family. I had taken that Friday off so we could get to Idaho and still have the whole weekend to party.
   So we get to this town where his family lives and it has a store/bar, post office, and a little shack that was the police department. Saturday night we are partying in the bar and a few of the locals are staring at me and when someone would walk by me they would comment on my long hair and call me a girl and things like that. I kept my mouth shut being in a strange town and not really knowing anybody. It started getting worse as people drank. This one guy would walk by me and flip my hair, and would threaten to have his buddies hold me down so he could cut it off. I told the people sitting at the table with me that the next time that guy touched me I was going to (excuse the language) beat his ass! And all they would say was that would not be a good idea.
   I got up from the table and went into the bathroom and while I was in there that guy walked in and started talking trash to me. I finally had enough of this guy and told him to go out in the parking lot and I will show you how much of a girl I was. So we headed out into the parking lot and when I turned around to face this guy, I noticed the whole bar had followed us outside and made a circle around us. I remember thinking am I going to have to fight the whole bar? So the guy takes his coat off and his arms are guns, this guy is built like a fire hydrant. He was probably 6 inches shorter than me but was rock solid. The guy went to take his shirt off and I thought I better hit him now, if I was going to fight the whole bar I was going to get in some good shots first. So, when the guy had his shirt over his head I rushed towards him with my arm cocked ready to hit this guy as hard as I could, but before I got close to him I was face down in the parking lot getting handcuffed and kicked a few times. You see, I had just picked a fight with the deputy sheriff.
   So with a fat lip and bloody nose, I got thrown into a cell in the little shack. I remember thinking as we walked through the door that I had been thrown back in time and we were in Mayberry. The whole thing looked just like Andy's office with the 2 cells next to each other and a guy I assumed was the town drunk sleeping in one of the cells. I was thrown into the other cell and told I was going to have to sit there until the circuit judge came through town on Tuesday or Wednesday. I thought there goes my job, there goes my date. I started talking to the sheriff, begging for him to let me go, I told him that he would never see me again. I don't know if he got tired of listening to me or what, but on Sunday morning he decided to let me go.
    I got back in time for work on Monday, but I was not in very good shape. I had told my so called friend about what had happened and next thing you know it was all over work. A friend of my soon to be wife told me she was scared to go out with me but that Saturday night she went out with me. A couple years later I found out she had her friend sitting at home waiting for the rescue call. We went to the Mazatlan restaurant because Her friend had told me she loved Mexican food. She had the Arroz Con Pollo, and we talked all night. After dinner we went back to her place for a drink and then I went home. When I got home I said to my mom that she was the women I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and then I went into my bedroom and smoked a bunch of pot. You see, I hadn't conquered all my demons.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The day I met her

When I found out that my mom had cancer it was like something changed inside of me. I am not quite sure how to explain that feeling, I just knew something in my life had to change. I had never even considered life without my mom and that scared me. The doctors said 50-50 I think it was, but we had a shot.

The first thing I did is something I had never done before, I got a job. Since this was before the days of drug testing, that wasn't very hard. One of my family members had a friend who got me a job being a parts runner for a refrigeration company. They worked on fishing boats and warehouse freezer and cooling units, so I delivered parts to job sites and things like that. Lucky for me I remember thinking at the time that it was a easy job.

After about a week of working, it was a slow day and the bosses had me painting the entryway. Just before the shop opened for the day the front door opens and in she walks. She took my breath away, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I scared her when she walked in and she said the F word, Earlier in the week the company started a cuss pool and every time you said a cuss word you had to put a quarter in the jar. She had me so tongue tied that the only thing I could say was "That's a quarter." She looked at me like I was stupid  and said "F you" and walked up the stairs to the office. I remember feeling embarrassed for not being able to say anything to her, I have never had that happen to me, I was always Mr. Smooth. 

For the next couple of months every time she came down to the shop and I was around I would just fall apart. I couldn't say or do anything right when she was around and it was obvious to everyone, including her. All the guys in the shop would tease me and tell me she was way out of my league, that she didn't date guys like me. At that time I was a want to be biker/gangster, maybe a hell's Angel want to be. I wore a jean jacket with cut off sleeves over a leather jacket and had long hair past my shoulders and a long beard. ( Think ZZ Top style beard).

 I had it so bad for this girl that I sat home at night trying to figure out ways to get her to go out with me. I had money, I had drugs, and I was told by some I had looks. So why wouldn't this girl go out with me? I decided one day that she wasn't the type to do LSD or Meth, so I just gave it up. I didn't even think twice about it, just gave them up. As strong as those 2 addictions are, I think there was some form of help from higher up, but I would never had seen it then.

After a few months of being off the LSD and Meth I started to put some weight on and look healthier, but I still couldn't get her to pay attention to me. It got to the point where I shaved off my beard and even got my hair trimmed up a little, but even that didn't work. One day I was in the shop talking to the job scheduler about how bad I wanted to go out with this girl and how she wouldn't pay attention to me. He told me he would talk to her and put in a good word for me, right about that time she walks right into the shop. He turns and yells out to her "Hey ********, Mike here wants to go out with you".

I was so embarrassed, I must have been so red I glowed in the dark. I am not sure why, probably out of pity, or a little coercion from her girl friend who was there giggling, or just maybe that higher power I mentioned earlier, She agreed to go out with me. This was the start of a new chapter in my life......

Monday, April 9, 2012

Big Man On Campus

By the time I hit 7th grade I was shop lifting, breaking into cars and houses, finding anything I could take to sell. I was a bully at school taking kid's lunches or lunch money. By the time I was in 8th grade I was selling pot at school. By the time I was in 9th grade I was using the money I was making and drugs to have sex with girls. I was having sex with juniors and seniors while I was a freshman. I was a big man, I was popular, everyone wanted to be my friend.

One time I went to score some more pot from my connection and he told me about some new product he had, that was my first experience with cocaine and methamphetamine. I found a new consumer to sell to, parents. By the time I was 17 I was barely going to school, I was sent to a school for troubled kids, but my mother struggled to get me to go to school. When I was supposed to be going to school I was actually going over to this lady's house and we would do a bunch of coke or meth and smoke a bunch of weed then we would have sex.

 I was such a big man, I was 17 and 18 yrs old having sex with a 35 yr old woman. One time I went over there and she introduced me to LSD. Wow, sex on LSD was so wild. We would stay awake 4 or 5 days in a row doing drugs and having sex. How I never got aids or became a father was an act of God, because all this sex I was having was unprotected. This was my life until I was about 20 yrs old. My mom came to me with some news that would lead me down the path that 22 yrs later led me to God. She had cancer.